everything is so hard but i'm being such a lil bitch about it

no more "in my humble opinion", from now on it's "from my grandiose and objectively correct deductions".

i have witnessed unspeakable horrors . the horrors weren't undescribable or anything, i just had to sign an NDA

After sex you see me roll over and go to balcony. You think ive gone for smoke due to my melancholic nature but I’ve opened sudoku.com evil level

if everyone is drunk while driving noone is. take the can

princess (referring to a boy)

my goldfish and acetaminophen snack

Sorry boss, can’t come in..the cats need me to snuggle them

naked in the kitchen is a type of nightclub